Summer's Almost Over, Already?!

Well, it has been awhile since I've posted!  Just so you know, that will probably be par for the course for me! It has been a busy, and wonderful summer! We have enjoyed spending most of our weekends up at the lake, exploring some places in central Alberta, checking out some new parks and spray parks with friends here at home, and a 2 week visit to the husband's parents in Northern Ontario.
I'll let the pictures do most of the talking!

We stopped at the Jungle Farm in Innisfail to pick strawberries on our way out to the lake one weekend.  They were so delicious! And we have been delighted to find a couple patches of Saskatoon berries right at the campground!  The boys have been loving the fresh berries!  Not too many that they pick make it into the bowl though! :) 

We took a trip out to Blackfalds one weekend because we'd heard they have a great waterpark there.  Indeed, they do! There's a spray park, a wading pool, a bigger pool with a lot of fun spray features, waterslides, and a lap pool.  The boys had a blast!  They easily could have stayed all day! It was a great day for it too, nice and hot!  C-Biggity is the only one who will chance the waterslides, and loved them, but the other boys loved the rest of the park.  They also have a great playground and an exercise park right next to it so mom and dad can work out while the kids play! The boys got a kick out of trying out all the exercise machines. 

We love Calaway park!  We've only made one trip there so far this summer, but hopefully we'll squeeze at least one more in!  C-Biggity was very excited to try the new log ride, Timber Falls.  He was scared the first time, but immediately asked to go again! A-Ziggity enjoyed it too.   C-Biggity was also excited to be tall enough to go on the roller coaster.  Grandma has to come along in order for him to go on that though, Mommy doesn't do upside down roller coasters! 

They put on a carnival out at the lake and the boys had a great time playing carnival games and of course, getting cotton candy and popcorn.  As you can see, I have some very goofy boys.  Supposedly, they get that from their mother.  I don't believe it! (Ha!) 

We decided to give Discovery Canyon, right outside of Red Deer, a try this year too.   C-Biggity loved tubing down the natural slide.  Z-Diggity was good with one ride, and A-Ziggity tried it a couple of times, but I don't think he felt very safe in the tube.  He's shaping up to be quite the little daredevil, like his big brother! It's a fun day trip.  We'll definitely go back, but next time, we will bring chairs and some shade! 

We've filled our time at home, in between camping trips, exploring spray parks and playgrounds in the city with my best friend and her kids.  We also took a trip to Bowness Park with my mom and some of the boys' cousins.  They are always up for a playground or waterpark! 

The boys love the pool at the lake.  We love having it there!  It's been great for increasing their confidence in the water.  C-Biggity especially is really improving his swimming skills.  He could spend hours in that pool!

This weekend, we're looking forward to the Halloween in August celebrations at the lake, and then spending one last week our there before school starts back up.  It's hard to believe the summer is almost over!  It has flown by, which I know I say every year.  The 2 older boys will be back to school on September 1, and the littlest starts preschool the following week!  All my babies will be in school this year! What is this mommy going to do with 2 kidless mornings a week?

Hope you all are enjoying your last weeks of summer! 

Beyond Pride

Last Wednesday was Z-Diggity's last day of preschool.  His class was supposed to have a field trip to release the butterflies they had been raising, but it was unfortunately rained out.  Since I had volunteered to go on the field trip, I decided to stay for the class anyway.  I got to accompany them on their short rain walk to release the butterflies, watch them practice for their spring tea, and join them in playing in the gym.  I haven't gotten to spend much time in Z's class this year because I typically can't bring the littlest along, so having this chance to witness him in action was amazing.  It was quite an emotional day for me!

When we started this school year, Z was very resistant to going to preschool again.  He was painfully timid and anxious.  When I dropped him off, he would cling to me, hanging on my pants or coat as I signed him in and put his snack in the fridge.  He clung to my foot when I tried to leave.  Every day was a struggle to get him to go to school.  He sat outside the circle, often curled in the fetal position or with his head buried in his hands.  He wouldn't look at people, he wouldn't talk to people, and when his teacher came near him, he hid under the table. 

The past couple months, he has been a very different child. He takes off his own shoes and puts his indoor shoes on himself.  He goes to the carpet and sits with his aide and sometimes even forgets to give me a hug.  He participates in circle time.  He does his crafts.  He plays with the other kids.  He eats snack at a table with other kids.  On Wednesday, I felt like I was witnessing a miracle.  I know, it sounds like hyperbole, but the transformation was so remarkable.  I watched my son happily join his class outside, looking at the butterflies and chasing bubbles in the rain. (By the way, if you never have, try blowing bubbles in the rain sometime!  The moisture in the air makes the bubbles bigger and stronger.  It's quite cool!) Then, I got to see him get up on stage with his class, audibly sing the songs they were practicing for their spring tea, and quite animately, do the actions.  I was teary.  Even 5 months ago at his Christmas concert, that didn't happen! He played with his classmates and eagerly took charge of the timer for the bouncy castle, letting everyone know when it was time to give someone else a turn.  He does like to be in charge! Then he went back up to his classroom and showed his little brother the ropes, so he'll be ready for his turn next year. 

Even with his success on Wednesday, I was a bit apprehensive about Friday's actual performance.  Would his anxiety overtake him when he looked out and saw the gym packed full of people?  I should have had more faith!  He walked onto the stage , stood tall and proud, and joined his classmates in singing and doing the actions to all 3 songs!  

Proud does not even begin to describe the way I felt.  I am proud of all 3 of my children, every day.  They are growing up to be wonderful young men, each in their unique way.  But there is something about watching your child overcome so many obstacles - resentment at not getting to go to the school he wanted to, severe anxiety, social difficulties - to completely transform and blossom, that goes beyond pride.  I'm not even sure what the right word for it would be.  Some people seem to have charmed lives.  Things come easily for them.  They sail through school, they're always surrounded by friends, they seem to excel at everything they try.  Sometimes, I envy the parents of those children.  I wish my child could have such an easy life.  I wish that he did not have a diagnosis that means he will probably always struggle with social interaction; always be the one who is a little bit odd. But if I did have that child, that easy child with the Midas touch, I would never know this feeling of watching your child succeed beyond what you thought was possible, of watching them emerge from a cocoon, just like the butterflies they released, as one of the most beautiful butterflies of all. 

Before I end, I have to give credit to his amazing preschool teachers and the team that worked with him, especially his aide.  They were all so patient, caring, and worked so hard to discover what worked best for Z.  They kept a sense of humor and weren't afraid to get silly with him, which is what he responds to best. (Probably because he has a very silly mommy!) I know we would not have seen this success if they had not all put their hearts and souls into working with Z and I will be forever grateful.  Thanks to them, he will be entering kindergarten with the knowledge that he can overcome his anxiety and make it in school. 

                                                       Grad Pictures taken by one of his teachers.

Mommy's obligatory last day of school picture.


*I'd love to post the video of him singing, but it shows some of his classmates and I'm leary of posting other people's kids here. So you'll just have to take my word for it that he did amazing! 

Our Little Piece of Heaven

Last summer, we decided to try renting a seasonal spot at Pine Lake.  We loved the ease of being able to set up our trailer and leave it there, rather than loading and unloading it each week, and hauling it out to the campground every time we went camping.  It also gave the boys and I the freedom to go up any time we wanted once they were out of school, which we couldn't have done otherwise, since I am not a good enough driver to tow a trailer! We really enjoyed our time at the lake, with the beach, the pool, the freedom for the kids that they don't have here in the city, and the activities at the campground.  So we decided to stay a few more years!

A view of our site and the deck before the planters were added

This year, we moved to a new site that is a bit bigger and backs onto a swamp, instead of more trailers. We love hearing the bullfrogs, crickets, and various birds.  The sound of crickets takes this MK back to her days in Africa, where they were a constant background sound!
Since we plan for this to be our summer home away from home for a few years, we made it homey!  Jeff spent the first couple of weeks building a large deck and added some stairs and planters to dress it up.  We are loving our new site and all the space we have there!  We've had a couple of beautiful weekends up there already, where we pulled out the pool and sprinkler, and are looking forward to many more this summer!

A team effort building the deck! 

Our outdoor cooking center and our back view

The boys spend a lot of time on their bikes and scooters.  They are getting really good!  Cole has mastered riding a two-wheeler and Zach has gotten the hang of peddling, all in just a couple of weeks!

It's always a treat when we get to fill up the pool! Love the action shots here! 

Of course, the fire is one of the highlights of the weekend!  Zach is especially fond of the fire.  Or maybe just of s'mores! 

 We enjoyed a visit from Grandma and Grandpa and hope to have more visitors this summer!

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Our Journey

I started this blog last fall, not too long after our middle son was diagnosed with Autism, in order to chronicle our journey. But, I have only posted a handful of posts since then, and really have not posted about that journey at all! There are a few reasons for that.  Mainly, I have been busy!  A diagnosis of autism brings with it a whole host of professionals, meetings, and therapies. Add in 1 child in school full-time, one in preschool 3 afternoons a week, and one still at home, and the structure of our days has completely changed. The second reason is that I have been conflicted about how much to share. I wanted to blog both as a way to process my own emotions and in the hopes that I might eventually be an encouragement and support to other parents walking this road. However, I want to be respectful of my children and of their privacy. I also want to be careful how I present autism. I do not want to focus on the negatives and send a message that my child is a burden,  He is not! He will never be a burden. So, I feel I must choose my words and my stories carefully, and sometimes, that prevents me from putting my thoughts into words.  It is a bit daunting, putting our story out there for all to see.  I know, I do post occasionally on Facebook, but because I keep my privacy settings restricted to friends, I feel at least an illusion of privacy there.  Here in the blogosphere, anyone could read our stories, and the idea is a bit intimidating.  However, since this month is Autism Awareness month, I do want to try to post a bit more, and I thought I would start with telling you a little bit about the journey we have been on this past year.

Z-Diggity was born healthy and developed very normally as an infant and toddler.  He met all his milestones, was a pretty happy little guy, and aside from some difficulty with pronouncing some speech sounds, never showed significant signs of developmental delays.  He had some growth issues that eventually led to a diagnosis of Celiac Disease when he was 4. In the fall of 2013, Z-Diggity started preschool. He had a hard time separating from me and participating in the class, but we thought that was normal and it would improve over time.  It didn't.  He was working with speech and occupational therapists to address the speech sounds delays and some fine motor delays, and shortly after Christmas, the school asked us all to meet.  They said that Z was becoming increasingly stressed and anxious at school.  He wouldn't play with the other kids at all, he would move as soon as anyone joined him at a center.  He wouldn't eat his snack unless he could have a table to himself.  He wouldn't participate in therapies at all.  He wouldn't respond to his teachers.  And he appeared to be finding it increasingly difficult to let me leave when I dropped him off.  Concerned, we requested that the psychologist from the team he was working with come and observe him.  We thought we were likely dealing with some kind of anxiety disorder. I started researching and decided that it was probably separation anxiety disorder.  The word "autism" came up, but was quickly dismissed.  He just didn't seem like a child with autism to us.

After observing Z in the classroom, the psychologist asked to talk to us.  Her words hit us like a ton of bricks.  "Have you ever considered that he may have autism?"  We hadn't.  Not seriously. Yes, he was rigid.  We thought he was just stubborn and quirky.  He focused on certain topics and talked excessively about them.  We thought he was just really smart!  He was so verbal, he could carry on a back and forth conversation, he played interactively with his brothers, he showed affection, he just didn't fit what we thought autism was!  Oh how uninformed we were! The psychologist began the assessment process and even as I filled out all the questionnaires, I had my doubts.  I suppose a lot of it was denial.  Family and friends who we told had a hard time believing it too.  But, when the results were all in, we were told that Z did indeed have moderate Autism Spectrum Disorder with features of ADHD as well.

There are some things a parent never wants to hear.  "Your child has cancer."  "Your child is missing." "Your child has been arrested." "There's been an accident.  I'm so sorry..."  "Something doesn't look right on the ultrasound."  "Your child has autism." Please understand that I do not equate being told my child has autism with being told that they have died or have a fatal or life-threatening illness or injury.  We feel incredibly blessed that our son is alive and is physically healthy.  Nonetheless, we had been told that he had a permanent disability.  For the rest of his life, some things will be much harder for him than they are for "neurotypical" people.  He is much more likely to face bullying.  He is more likely to struggle to obtain and maintain employment and may end up being underpaid because of his disability.  He is more vulnerable to being taken advantage of.  Living independently, getting married, having children, none of those things are guaranteed for him. We still have our child, but that day, we lost some our hopes and dreams for his future.  We were plunged into a world of uncertainty. The grief is not the same when you are told your child has a permanent disability, but it is still a very real grief.  We grieved.  We still grieve.  But we also have hope.

We made the very difficult decision not to enrol Z in kindergarten for the upcoming year, despite the fact that he would be turning 5.  Because of the funding and additional support available for preschool children, we decided, with the strong recommendation of his psychologist, to put him into preschool for another year.  He was not happy.  He hated preschool and believed that he would be much happier in kindergarten. It turned out to be the best decision we could have made.  Z is now working with an aide, a speech therapist, an occupational therapist, and a physical therapist.  We also have the support of a psychologist.  The team has been wonderful and very supportive.  Z has made huge gains this year.  He participates in class discussions.  He eats his snack with the rest of the class.  He talks to his classmates and allows them to play with him.  He does crafts and goes to the gym.  He got up on stage at the Christmas concert.  He didn't sing, but just standing up in front of everyone was a huge step! Perhaps the biggest step is that he now lets me leave the classroom with a big hug and he sits down with his aide and engages with her!

The past year has not been easy.  Our lives have changed.  It can be very overwhelming having people coming into your house all the time.  We have something going on, aides, preschool, playgroup, every day Monday through Friday.  I have to keep my house tidy now! (I think my husband may be thankful for that one!) We still struggle with behaviors.  Understanding them does not always make them easier to deal with.  Many times, it seems we take 2 steps forward and 4 steps back.  We have learned so much over this past year, and we still have so much more to learn.  We realize that we are in this for life.

I think the biggest thing that has changed for me this year is my perception of my son.  I have always loved all 3 of my boys fiercely.  That has not changed.  But I have come to see Z differently now.  I recognize that he is still the same boy he was before we started down this road.  He is affectionate and loves snuggles.  He is smart and has the memory of an elephant.  He can tell you what month everyone in the family's birthday is in.  He can tell you anything you might want to know about Star Wars Rebels, and then some!  He could be your tour guide at the Zoo! He has an awesome sense of humor and loves to trick people and make them laugh.  He has a magic smile and a laugh that you can't help laughing along with.  He takes awhile to warm up, but once he does, he is chatty, friendly, and a lot of fun.  He plays well with his brothers, most of the time.  He craves approval, just like any other child. And he is strong.  Large social groups cause him tremendous anxiety, but he goes anyway.  He gets out there and he lives his life, even though I'm willing to bet some days, it would be far easier for him to hide curled up in his Batman blanket in his bedroom.  He is a superhero.  He is teaching me to be strong, to keep going when I want to run away to get away from the screeching.  To be patient when I simply cannot understand why he is refusing to eat this time.  To stand up and fight for him when he is not given the support he needs, which I know we will inevitably face. To find the humor in life, and to accept and celebrate those things that make all of us wonderfully unique.  He is wonderfully unique.  Fearfully and wonderfully made.

We have challenges.  We have days when we want to give up.  We have a whole lot of love.
We have hope.

                                       Rocking some orange hair for crazy hair day at school.